Category: Humor and horror

Today’s headlines: Dennou Coil licensed; a mahou shoujo military; DRM to be phased out

A revived Geneon USA announced today that it has licensed Dennou Coil for North America. Mitsuo Iso’s anime is considered by some to be the best TV series of recent years. The company also announced licenses for Kenji Nakamura’s Mononoke and three of Masaaki Yuasa’s works, the series Kaiba and Kemenozume and the movie Mind Game. Dennou Coil is scheduled for release in June as a six-DVD set with a list price of $24.99. Mononoke will follow in July. The Yuasa anime will be available in August as both a seven-DVD compilation and on Blue-Ray discs.

In additon to anime, the new Geneon plans to issue anime soundtracks, starting with those of Dennou Coil and Spice and Wolf.

The new Geneon was recently incorporated by former executives from the Funimation, Media Blasters and Bandai companies, who acquired the right to use the name of the company that released such anime as Cardcaptor Sakura and Haibane Renmei in North America.

“ToLOVERU, Queen’s Blade, Ikki Tousen and that thing with the mutant cabbage are all licensed for region one, yet superior shows are ignored,” said a company spokesman. “We were embarrassed.”

The spokesman noted that the company founders found the Bandai Visual/Galaxy Angel Rune debacle illuminating.

“Perhaps it makes sense to the Japanese to pay exorbitant prices for small portions of crap, but that business model doesn’t necessarily work on the other side of the Pacific,” he said. “We’ll see how offering good quality at a reasonable price works.”

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The White House today confirmed reports that the Obama administration is considering replacing most of the USA military with squads of mahou shoujo, or “magical girls.”

“Economically, it makes a lot of sense,” said Press Secretary Robert Gibbs in a morning press conference. “Armies are expensive to maintain and operate, and let’s not even talk about the boats and planes — have you priced a F-22 lately? All a magical girl needs is a wand or talisman and a cute animal companion.”

Questioned about the ability of little girls to face armies, Gates noted that during the past few decades, Japan has been effectively protected from alien invasions and evil masterminds by a network of magical girls and “mecha.”

“One of our consultants is the mistress of Earth, Water, Fire and Windy, and she holds the cards of Light and Dark,” Gibbs noted. “What army can withstand that kind of power?”

Screenings for young women with magical talents will begin this summer.

Gibbs refused to confirm or deny that there are plans for a special “trap” battalion, stating only that the Obama administration is committed to diversity in every form.

In related news, the White House announced the appointment of Yume Kikuchi to the position of Secretary of the Treasury.

“We need someone who can conjure money out of thin air, and Kikuchi is an obvious choice,” said Gibbs.

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The Secret International Consortium of Digital Content Merchants has officially leaked a memo announcing its plans to phase out all “digital rights management” (DRM), noting that the inconvenience to users is greater than what little protection it offers against piracy. In a press released cracked this morning, the consortium acknowledged that this does indeed mean the end of all region coding.

Adobe, the publisher of Photoshop and other graphics and publishing software, announced that it will continue to include aggressive DRM with all their products.

“What the hell are they thinking?” said an Adobe spokesman. “The purpose of DRM is to punish the legitimate user, and it always has been.”

In related news, Adobe announced that it will be moving its telephone support to Burkina Faso. A company spokesperson noted that confused customers currently talk to personnel in India. Sometimes, the staffer responding to the customer speaks English well and understands the questions. “That is plainly not acceptable,” said the spokesthing. “Moving our support services to the country with the lowest literacy rate in the world should ensure that our users’ help desk experiences will always be memorable.”

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A flock of winged pigs was sighted soaring over the steeple of St. Christina the Astonishing Church in East Nowhere, Kansas. Meanwhile, Loki’s Tricksters defeated the Anubis Crew “c” to aleph-null to advance to the semifinals of the Demonic Snowball Tournament in Hell.

I do ride a bicycle …

… and Cardcaptor Sakura is an old favorite, but I don’t think I’d ride an anime itachari like this around Wichita.

(Via Alafista.)

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John C. Wright previews his next novel, which features the Nine Samurai Vampire Warlocks of Kyoto. There may also be skin-tight latex nun suits. ((Permitted as of Vatican II.))

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Care to propose a caption?

(Via Dustbury.)

High culture, low comedy

Even if I had a television, I wouldn’t be able to watch Al ‘n’ Me. It’s broadcast only on “Metromedia,” which is not available in most markets at this time. Until that classical-era sitcom receives the wider distribution it deserves, you’ll have to make do with Acropolis Now, featuring such low-lifes as Heraclitus and Aristophanes and their mother the Oracle, and Socrates and Plato. A degree in Classics is not necessary to appreciate the show.

If you prefer modern, interactive entertainment, here’s the do-it-yourself Bayeux Tapestry.

(Via Maureen.)

That about sums it up

If you don’t check Dr. Boli every day, you should.

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Via Cliff, here’s a little musical story:

C, E-flat and G go into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, but we don’t serve minors.” So E-flat leaves, and C and G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and G is out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. D comes in and heads for the bath­room, saying, “Excuse me. I’ll just be a second.”

Then A comes in, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor. Then the bartender notices B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and says, “Get out! You’re the seventh minor I’ve found in this bar tonight.” E-Flat comes back the next night in a three-piece suit with nicely shined shoes.

The bartender says, “You’re looking sharp to­night. Come on in, this could be a major development.” Sure enough, E-flat soon takes off his suit and everything else, and is au naturel. Eventually, C sobers up and realizes in horror that he’s under a rest. C is brought to trial, found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of D.S. without Coda at an upscale correctional facility.

“… we could hear the universe inhaling …”

Occasionally reviews are worth reading.

Transmission of music data at rates faster than the speed of light seemed convenient, until I realized I was hearing the music before I actually wanted to play it. Apparently Denon forgot how accustomed most of us are to unidirectional time and the general laws of physics. I tried to get used to this effect but hearing songs play before I even realized I was in the mood for them just really screwed up my preconceptions of choice and free will. I’m still having a major existential hangover.

Would not purchase again.

(Via Peeve Farm.)

Meat dreams

Frëd Himebaugh of the Fredösphere has composed a fifteen-minute opera using Terry Bisson’s short story “They’re Made Out of Meat” as the libretto. You can purchase it here. See also Frëd’s earlier posts here and here.

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Here’s one of the more impressive videos I’ve seen recently. The characters and tune are from the vast Touhou project, but you don’t need to know anything about that to appreciate the phantasmagorical transformations.

Miscellaneous nonsense

In lieu of a substantive post, here are some random links.

For anyone who has ever operated a sewing machine: famous last words, cosplay edition.

“Oh look, a Windows ME install disc!” (Via Eve Tushnet.)

George Lucas is no engineer. (Via First Things.)

Someday I may forgive Dale Price for posting this. (Alarming fact: Before Star Trek, Shatner acted (if that is the word) in the pilot for a teevee show about Alexander the Great, costarring Adam West.)

Does the use of accordions violate the principles of just war?

For what it’s worth (very little), I’m now on Facebook. This was research for work, believe it or not.

Anime anthropology

The Field Guide to Convention Cosplayers

The Old School Tribute

Likely Cosplaying:
– Lum from Urusei Yatsura
– Anyone from Ranma ½
– Anyone from Final Fantasy II through V

Defining Traits:
– Looking really good in a classic cosplay
– Unless it’s overly complex or revealing, being completely unrecognized and ignored.

May I Take A Picture?: Please do.

Do: Thank them for remembering a show that came out before InuYasha.

Do Not: Mistake the Daicon bunny girl for Haruko from FLCL.

Public service announcement

Here’s the story.

This tune is part of a long tradition in music. An earlier example is No Strings Attached’s “Broken Key Boogie,” which commemorates modifications to Randy Marchany’s keyboard made by another airline (TWA, if I remember correctly).

[audio:http://tancos.net/audio/Broken Key Boogie.mp3]

American music

Charles Ives is often celebrated for having anticipated many of the innovations of twentieth-century music. Less often noted is that he also anticipated, if that’s the right word, P.D.Q. Bach. Some years back, an acquaintance for whom I played a recording of Three Places in New England was scandalized by the second movement — real music isn’t supposed to be funny, he said. (Tell that to Mozart.) Here it is, the ideal music for the Fourth of July:

It’s become trendy in recent years to complain that the music of P.D.Q. Bach overshadows that of the composer Peter Schickele. I’ll grant that the humor is hit-and-miss, with misses predominating on the later recordings. Sometimes, though, the jokes work. Here’s the fourth movement of the “Unbegun Symphony.” ((Strictly speaking, this isn’t P.D.Q. Bach, since Schickele claimed it as his own, so to speak.))

If you’ve got a couple of hours to kill while waiting for it to get dark enough for fireworks tonight, why don’t you invite 35 of your closest friends over with their instruments and run through some American music of a different sort. Here’s the score to Terry Riley’s In C.

To the Moon

Alex Ross, in The Rest Is Noise: Listening to the Twentieth Century, states that Schoenberg’s twelve-tone method of musical composition “… finally reached the silver screen by way of Scott Bradley’s inventive scores for Tom and Jerry cartoons in the forties, notably Puttin’ on the Dog and The Cat That Hated People.” Which gives me an excuse to post some High Culture, courtesy of Tex Avery.

Coming attractions

Previews of the summer 2010 anime season:

Trap Academy — A transfer student at an exclusive all-girl boarding school discovers that every single one of her pretty classmates is actually a boy in disguise.

Does Anyone Need Tenchi? Does Anyone Care? — Yet another spinoff of the venerable franchise. In this one, Mihoshi’s IQ approaches the single digits.

Mystery Meat — Students with paranormal abilities investigate inexplicable events in the school cafeteria. Chiaki J. Konaka’s script draws on quantum mechanics, evolutionary biology and feng shui in this account of alternate realities and healthy nutrition.

Planet of the Enormous Hooters — Al Franken’s masterpiece receives an appropriately respectful anime adaptation. The staff includes alumni of the Queen’s Blade and Eiken crews.

Apocryphelion — Aliens attack the Earth as foretold by ancient Mesopotamian clay tablets, and only neurotic adolescents piloting absurdly large mecha can save the planet.

inCurably Pretty — The latest iteration of PreCure introduces 17 more magical girls. The pastel mahou shoujo outfits feature second-order ruffles. ((I.e., ruffles on the ruffles.))

Sliders — The intense world of professional shuffleboard is examined in the suspenseful tale of the rising star of the care home circuit. Is her mysterious ability to put the puck dead center in the “10” triangle every time somehow connected to the fact that she has not spoken to her manager and husband in 53 years? And what about the mysterious reigning champion, who is as stacked as Carol Doda, and as old? The show sets new precedents for fanservice. (The DVDs will feature additional steam.)

Angels and Idiots — An ancient order of renegade priests and a nun in a slinky habit who lives her own version of aggiornamento are all that stand between humanity and an unholy alliance of vampires, demons and lawyers — or is it the other way around? This gnostic extravaganza is sure to be a favorite of cosplayers.

Godot Can Wait — Nabeshin’s first effort for World Masterpiece Theater is a breezy adaptation of Beckett’s play. Nabeshin himself takes the much-expanded role of Pozzo’s slave, Lucky, and finds surprisingly many opportunities for fanservice in Beckett’s barren landscape.

Type Two — Mika isn’t sure how she feels about Kai. Sometimes she treats him with affection, but just as often she subjects him to scorn and violence. Their budding romance abruptly ends when Kai obtains a restraining order against her.

Yokai Cram School — A vampire who faints at the sight of blood, a vegan werewolf, a succubus who made a vow of celibacy, skirts too short to sit down in … and the hell with it. It’s not easy to invent something as stupid as Rosario + Vampire.

Four balls?

Pete says that baseball is

A game without discernable rules or purpose; I deduced that teams compete to collect points, but those are awarded arbitrarily, so the formal objective does nothing to add any sense to the proceedings.

I just happened to digitize The Button-Down Mind of Bob Newhart last week. Here’s Newhart’s take on baseball from about 50 years ago:

[audio:http://tancos.net/audio/Nobody Will Ever Play Baseball.mp3]

While I’m uploading audio, here’s a selection from another curiosity I came across: string quartet arrangements of music from Rozen Maiden. Here’s a sample:

[audio:http://tancos.net/audio/Otome wa Tenshin Ranman.mp3]

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I have jury duty this week, so I’ll probably be spending the days at the courthouse and the evenings at the office. See you all next week.

Update: I was spared jury duty. (Actually, The plaintiff in the case I was in the pool for had suffered a broken ankle and knee injuries. It was no surprise that I wasn’t empaneled, given my own broken ankle and knee problems.)

Calling all classicists

Vicipaedia needs otaku who can write decent Latin. The anime and manga pages are pathetic. (I had several years of Latin, but that was a long time ago in a different century, and it would take more time than I can spare to regain competence.)

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Another entry for the “ducks in anime” file:

From Negima Ala Alba OAD #2 (not recommended).

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I discovered that the software used to animate Hatsune Miku is freeware, available here. It’s surprisingly capable. Here’s Miku dancing Maurice Bejart’s choreography; compare it to the final minutes of this. ((I recommend skpping the first six minutes unless you are a Bejart fanatic.)) Unfortunately, like Miku herself, it’s not for Macs.

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More random nonsense:

An animated stereogram. It works, too. There are more here. (Via Cartoon Brew.)

“Not only does it save time, but it’s really stupid, too.” More poem generators here.

Can’t find anything you like on the radio? Set a few parameters and generate your own music.

I did not need to see this:

Spoiler

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Precise language

From a discussion in the comments at TSO’s place:

>Reminds me of my System/360 days when we had to suggest to the programmers that rather than ask the operator at the console to type “1 for Yes, 2 for No”, the program should request “Y for Yes, N for No”.

>And what’s wrong with “1” for Yes and “2” for No exactly? 🙂

>One for yes and two for no is great if you have at least one position to the right of the decimal point.

>”And what’s wrong with ‘1’ for Yes and ‘2’ for No exactly?” 1thing.