It’s somewhat startling how many of her rules and guidelines stem from the basic principles of putting others first and protecting them from our rougher feelings: how to write a thank-you note for a present you didn’t like; how to respond to a friend who gets embarrassingly drunk at a party (and how that friend ought to behave the next morning!); how to politely and charitably point out that someone has cut in front of you in a line. Even the correct way to refuse an invitation (apologize, but say no firmly, and don’t make excuses) is concerned in part with sparing others’ feelings: If you say, “I’d love to, but I’m afraid I’ll be flossing my otter,” you not only invite argument and attempts to persuade you away from your excuses. You also let your friends know exactly where they rank on your scale of priorities — possibly above cleaning the gutters, but definitely below otter dental hygiene.
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Trivia that matter