A presidential hairball

Democratic Party officials refused to confirm or deny rumors that they are in talks to form a coalition with the Meadow Party for the November election, and plan to name Bill the Cat as their nominee for president.

Although he is currently between lives, Mr. Cat is viewed by many as a more viable candidate than frontrunner Joe Biden. Mr. Biden has displayed increasing eccentricity in recent months, forcing his publicists to re-retcon his biography as he reveals unexpected new details of his past careers.

Observers noted that Mr. Cat emerged into the political realm free from associations with the either the New York or Chicago traditional political organizations. This is viewed as both an advantage and a handicap.

Mr. Cat has the unique advantage of having once been Donald Trump himself. Should he receive the Democratic nomination, the campaigning might be exceptionally vituperative.

“Expect a lot of hissing and spitting,” said a veteran observer.