Why did the chicken cross the Möbius strip?

Jokes scientists tell:

A group of wealthy investors wanted to be able to predict the outcome of a horse race. So they hired a group of biologists, a group of statisticians, and a group of physicists. Each group was given a year to research the issue. After one year, the groups all reported to the investors. The biologists said that they could genetically engineer an unbeatable racehorse, but it would take 200 years and $100bn. The statisticians reported next. They said that they could predict the outcome of any race, at a cost of $100m per race, and they would only be right 10% of the time. Finally, the physicists reported that they could also predict the outcome of any race, and that their process was cheap and simple. The investors listened eagerly to this proposal. The head physicist reported, “We have made several simplifying assumptions: first, let each horse be a perfect rolling sphere… “

(Via Classical Values.)

Update: How science is actually done, according to #overlyhonestmethods.

we didn’t read half of the papers we cite because they are behind a paywall

Our sampling locations happen to match tropical resort towns because field work doesn’t have to be mud and agony.

incubation lasted three days because this is how long the undergrad forgot the experiment in the fridge

See also lol my thesis.

It is difficult to own things that don’t exist.

Avoiding people has its mental health benefits. ((I have verified this experimentally.))

Mammoths stopped eating things after they went extinct.

Democracy would work a whole lot better if we weren’t so, you know, human.