Amending the amendments

From A Postmodern Permutation of the Bill of Rights:

6. In all criminal prosecutions for political crimes, the media shall enjoy the right to mount a speedy and public trial of the accused, by a jury of partisan hacks, in newspapers and television programs produced thousands of miles from the district wherein the crime shall have been committed, which district said partisan hacks shall mock, ridicule, and defame. Participation of the accused in his own media and judicial trials is forbidden as an impediment to the efficient operation of the justice system.

Sort of a Christmas story

Some years back I posted one of Robert Benchley’s Christmas pieces. Here’s another.

Editha’s Christmas Burglar

By Robert Benchley
It was the night before Christmas, and Editha was all agog. It was all so exciting, so exciting! From her little bed up in the nursery she could hear Mumsey and Daddy down-stairs putting the things on the tree and jamming her stocking full of broken candy and oranges.

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The Boogie-Woogie Bugle Boy of Gundam Wing Z

Via David Breitenbeck, here’s a list, “Things Mr. Welch Is No Longer Allowed to Do in an RPG.” A few items from the list:

20. Polka is not appropriate marching music.

94. I cannot base my ancient kung fu master on either Gene Simmons or Bluto Blutarski.

105. I am not allowed to polymorph anyone into Abe Vigoda.

134. The King’s Guards’ official name is not “The Royal Order of the Red Shirt”

174. There is no use of Shatner’s spoken word album that doesn’t require a humanity check.

199. My third wish cannot be ‘I wish you wouldn’t grant this wish.’

221. If I get that Yugo up to 120mph again, that’s gonna get some paradox.

251. I am not the Boogie-Woogie Bugle Boy of Gundam Wing Z.

289. My character does not have the flaw Addiction: Helium.

330. The Halfling Paladin does not represent the Lollipop Guild.

411. It is bad form to shoot a god while he’s monologuing.

476. The alignment of 2 years olds is not automatically Neutral Evil.

559. Even if the Ranger offers his sword, the elf his bow and the dwarf his axe, my gnome can’t offer his accordion.

623. Even if the rules allow it, I cannot play a Dire Gummi Bear.

651. My alignment is not Sarcastic Good.

753. No encouraging Swedish accents.

781. My tribe’s trial by combat ritual is not best described as “Calvinball with axes.”

845. It’s not a good idea to taunt Greek heroes with “Who’s your daddy?”

968. A paladin with a British accent is acceptable. One with a Peter Lorre accent isn’t.

975. There is something wrong with a 2nd level Kamikaze.

1172. My brooding costumed vigilante can’t take the flaw Dark Secret: Well Adjusted to Society.

1337. Can’t lure the Bastet into an ambush by turning on the can opener.

See also DM of the Rings and Chainmail Bikini.

February miscellany

Maureen Mullarkey defends — sorta — the Vatican’s 2020 creche:

However off-beat the interpretation or craftsmanship, the Abruzzo portrayal is as innocent of blasphemy as a Lego Nativity. It is the departure from expectation—from the protocols of established iconography—that offends critics. Falsely accused of irreverence, its installation in St. Peter’s Square insinuates an intention that the project never held….

Agreed, Abruzzo’s Nativity was unsuited for solemn display in the Vatican. Both site and timing were malapropos. Nevertheless, all the artillery fired at it should have been aimed more accurately.

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Everything you need to know about Netflix:

The Netflix warning about a documentary concerning a man who beat women to death has two warnings: “Nudity, Smoking.”

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Shamus has as clear and lucid an explanation of the GameStop business as you’ll find anywhere:

People called this a “David versus Goliath” type situation, which for me conjures up the image of a middle schooler vs. a linebacker. But in terms of weight class, this is more like a regular-sized dude versus Godzilla. Maybe David didn’t totally kill Goliath today, but given the extreme size differential I think cutting Goliath in half is pretty damned impressive.

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(Via Dale Price.)

… and that’s enough reality. Now for silly nonsense.

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