Coming attractions

Previews of the summer 2010 anime season:

Trap Academy — A transfer student at an exclusive all-girl boarding school discovers that every single one of her pretty classmates is actually a boy in disguise.

Does Anyone Need Tenchi? Does Anyone Care? — Yet another spinoff of the venerable franchise. In this one, Mihoshi’s IQ approaches the single digits.

Mystery Meat — Students with paranormal abilities investigate inexplicable events in the school cafeteria. Chiaki J. Konaka’s script draws on quantum mechanics, evolutionary biology and feng shui in this account of alternate realities and healthy nutrition.

Planet of the Enormous Hooters — Al Franken’s masterpiece receives an appropriately respectful anime adaptation. The staff includes alumni of the Queen’s Blade and Eiken crews.

Apocryphelion — Aliens attack the Earth as foretold by ancient Mesopotamian clay tablets, and only neurotic adolescents piloting absurdly large mecha can save the planet.

inCurably Pretty — The latest iteration of PreCure introduces 17 more magical girls. The pastel mahou shoujo outfits feature second-order ruffles. ((I.e., ruffles on the ruffles.))

Sliders — The intense world of professional shuffleboard is examined in the suspenseful tale of the rising star of the care home circuit. Is her mysterious ability to put the puck dead center in the “10” triangle every time somehow connected to the fact that she has not spoken to her manager and husband in 53 years? And what about the mysterious reigning champion, who is as stacked as Carol Doda, and as old? The show sets new precedents for fanservice. (The DVDs will feature additional steam.)

Angels and Idiots — An ancient order of renegade priests and a nun in a slinky habit who lives her own version of aggiornamento are all that stand between humanity and an unholy alliance of vampires, demons and lawyers — or is it the other way around? This gnostic extravaganza is sure to be a favorite of cosplayers.

Godot Can Wait — Nabeshin’s first effort for World Masterpiece Theater is a breezy adaptation of Beckett’s play. Nabeshin himself takes the much-expanded role of Pozzo’s slave, Lucky, and finds surprisingly many opportunities for fanservice in Beckett’s barren landscape.

Type Two — Mika isn’t sure how she feels about Kai. Sometimes she treats him with affection, but just as often she subjects him to scorn and violence. Their budding romance abruptly ends when Kai obtains a restraining order against her.

Yokai Cram School — A vampire who faints at the sight of blood, a vegan werewolf, a succubus who made a vow of celibacy, skirts too short to sit down in … and the hell with it. It’s not easy to invent something as stupid as Rosario + Vampire.

10 thoughts on “Coming attractions”

  1. A transfer student at an exclusive all-girl boarding school discovers that every single one of her pretty classmates is actually a boy in disguise.

    Something like that really did happen in Slayers Next. Only it was priestesses.

  2. Princess Princess, Sasami Magical Girls Club, Haunted Junction, Divergence Eve, Crystal Triangle, Fresh Pretty Cure!, Roujin Z, Chrno Crusade, Puni Puni Poemi, School Days, Renkin San-kyuu Magical Pokaan.

    What do you mean it wasn’t a quiz?!

  3. Hilarious, and sadly, probably scarily accurate as well.

    “Their budding romance abruptly ends when Kai obtains a restraining order against her.”

    If only there was an anime romcom that would actually go this route. =P

  4. Steven: I hate you. I had somehow managed to scrub that entire side-quest from my mind. Now, I will have to start all over…

  5. And another vote for trap academy!

    Was there a plotless series in there that showed cute girls doing cute things……..with X-acto knives?

Comments are closed.