New border wall announced

The Trump administration announced today that they are suspending work on the Mexican border wall indefinitely while a new, more urgently needed wall is erected in Maryland.

“Stopping the flow of illegal immigrants into this country is an urgent problem, yes, but it pales in comparison to the presence of an active, hostile alien civilization in our territory,” said Director of Strategic Panic Claude deTour. “Containing the greater threat takes priority.”

The fence will be built around the swamp regions of Maryland near the Virginia border, encircling the District of Columbia, with barricades and garrisons along the Virginia side of the Potomac River.

The design has not yet been announced, but deTour stressed that security is the paramount concern.

“We want to keep the creatures inside the wall while we drain the swamp. Then we’ll send them back to where they came from, and good riddance.”

He refused to confirm or deny rumors that there will be an ultra-high-security second wall inside the first enclosing the national mall and several of the adjacent buildings in a permanent “no-go” zone.