There’s mention of National Lampoon at AoSHQ this morning, which reminded me of this classic advertisement. Not entirely surprisingly, the page this appeared on was missing from the bound volumes of the Lampoon in the Wichita State library.
Category: Humor and horror
Been there, done that …
.. banged my head on the desk.
(Via Borepatch.)
PSA
(Via Danger Zone Entertainment.)
Special jumbo edition of miscellaneous silly nonsense
Some of these are from Borepatch, the Brickmuppet and Dustbury, but I forget where I found most of them.
Continue reading “Special jumbo edition of miscellaneous silly nonsense”
Today’s inspirational message
(From Borepatch.)
One kind of efficiency
I’ve been skipping around in The Stuffed Owl: An Anthology of Bad Verse recently. Here’s a bit of practical advice from Ralph Waldo Emerson.
Earth, crowded, cries: “Too many men!”
My counsel is, kill nine in ten,
And bestow the shares of all
On the remnant decimal.
Most of the verse is subtler than that — if an encomium to the London sewer system, for example, can be called “subtle.” If you all are very good, I won’t quote any more of it.
A hot cup of heresy
- Decaf is Docetic because it only appears to be coffee.
- Instant is Apollinarian because it’s had its soul removed and replaced.
- Frappuccinos are essentially a form of Monophysitism, having their coffee nature swallowed up in milkshake.
- Chicory is Arian, not truly coffee at all but a separate creation….
(Via First Things.)
Maids und Panzer
Just because. (Via A Journey Through Life.)
The stupidcallafragilisticexpeallidumbass stupidity hammer
John C. Wright watched the second Hobbit movie, “this craptastic jerktrocious smegbladder of a film“:
To be quite honest, the actress Evangeline Lilly is not only quite attractive, she handles both the demands of the acting and a physical stunts very well. Indeed, I am afraid I have a bit of a crush on her, with her long lustrous hair, her finely chiseled cheekbones, her kissing-soft feminine lips, her soft curves aching with the promise of luscious loveplay … Oh, wait a minute. I am think I am looking at Orlando Bloom. Er, never mind. Sorry, Miss Lilly.
… But I am glad that Ishmael and Queequeg will appear in the sequel.
(For the record: I found Jackson’s version of The Fellowship of the Ring barely tolerable and was disgusted with the rest of his Ring cycle. You’d have to pay me to watch him trash The Hobbit, and pay me well.)
Afterthought: Lousy though they are, Jackson’s movies did make DM of the Rings possible.
*****
My more economically savvy readers may think that all of this is so obvious as not to need to be said, but listen around next time you hear some far less savvy young people talk about what people “should have” and what people “need” and what things “should cost.” You might get a surprise. Nobody has, apparently, ever explained to these people that neither money nor pharmaceuticals nor fully-trained doctors grow on trees. It’s just an astonishing thing, but the fairies don’t distribute goods and services.
I thought immediately of Jinrui wa Suitai Shimashita, in which the fairies sometimes do distribute goods and services. This may be related to the fact that the English-language title of the show is “Humanity Has Declined.”
Continue reading “The stupidcallafragilisticexpeallidumbass stupidity hammer”
Sid and Carl, with Uncle Goopy
Anthony Sacramone thinks this is the funniest sketch ever performed, and perhaps it is. R.I.P., Sid Caesar.
Military wave mechanics
(Via the Borderline Boy.)
It’s time for another batch of miscellaneous nonsense. I forgot where I found most of these.
Why did the chicken cross the Möbius strip?
A group of wealthy investors wanted to be able to predict the outcome of a horse race. So they hired a group of biologists, a group of statisticians, and a group of physicists. Each group was given a year to research the issue. After one year, the groups all reported to the investors. The biologists said that they could genetically engineer an unbeatable racehorse, but it would take 200 years and $100bn. The statisticians reported next. They said that they could predict the outcome of any race, at a cost of $100m per race, and they would only be right 10% of the time. Finally, the physicists reported that they could also predict the outcome of any race, and that their process was cheap and simple. The investors listened eagerly to this proposal. The head physicist reported, “We have made several simplifying assumptions: first, let each horse be a perfect rolling sphere… “
(Via Classical Values.)
Update: How science is actually done, according to #overlyhonestmethods.
we didn’t read half of the papers we cite because they are behind a paywall
Our sampling locations happen to match tropical resort towns because field work doesn’t have to be mud and agony.
incubation lasted three days because this is how long the undergrad forgot the experiment in the fridge
See also lol my thesis.
It is difficult to own things that don’t exist.
Avoiding people has its mental health benefits. ((I have verified this experimentally.))
Mammoths stopped eating things after they went extinct.
Democracy would work a whole lot better if we weren’t so, you know, human.
Psychopathological aggressor …
… Ken the Brickmuppet condemned by the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea. Details here.
*****
For those of you who use your computer to make noise, Native Instruments is offering a nice little compressor for free through the end of the year. NI’s Mikro Prism is another interesting freebie, a soft synth with a distinctive sound.
*****
![Dark [K]night](http://shuffly.net/zoop/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/night.jpg)
(Via man with black hat.)
Checking in
Life is busier than usual right now, and it will be a week or two before I have time for a proper post. Until then, here are a few odds and ends.
• The true and proper words to the traditional Christmas carol:
• Some more silly stuff I’ve come across recently:
• If Kyousougiga ends well as well as it began, it likely will be the second-best show of 2013 (I don’t expect any current series to top the second half of Shin Sekai Yori). Here’s a tune from the OST that illustrates one aspect of the show. If Carl Stalling wrote anime music, it might sound something like this:
• Kill la Kill is currently in the middle of a tournament arc. Once that’s resolved, I expect that the show will shift gears, and then we’ll see just how good it really is.
• Arpeggio of Blue Steel, when it isn’t annoyingly silly, has been a surprisingly good series. Ubu has more to say about it. See Jusuchin for episode-by-episode discussions, with plentiful spoilers.
• Despite my better judgement, I’m still watching I couldn’t, so, etc. The creators can’t decide whether it’s a comedy, a fanservice vehicle, an action story or a romance; too often, it’s none of the above. Still, it’s just interesting enough that I want to see what happens. I wish Fino were in a better show with better writers.
• Today’s quote:
History is satire, and histories that are simply serious are simply false.
Racism, sexism, colonialism, and even feudalism
Nintendo games are hopelessly sexist and racist. Fortunately, the Diversity Chronicle is here to call them out:
Invariably in virtually all of these Mario games Mario rescues the princess. In other words the old sexist staple tale plays out. The weak, docile, insecure woman is captured and kidnapped. Unable to defend herself or rescue herself, she invariably waits for a man, in this case Mario. This is nothing but sexist gender-stereotyping for children.
My life-partner is a very resourceful woman. I would like to think that if she were ever kidnapped she could even rescue herself. She wouldn’t have to wait around for some man to do it! That’s not her style, she’s a strong, intelligent and independent woman! I would never try to demean the woman I love by attempting to rescue her. Nor would I dishonour her by asking violent racially-profiling reactionaries like the police to go out and try to find her!
The Zelda games are no better:
Zelda and Link are depicted as Nordic Aryans, albeit with dwarf like ears, reminiscent of something out of old Nordic Viking mythology. If Richard Wagner, that old Anti-Semitic Nordic supremacist had been alive today he would probably be creating video games like Zelda. In fact the latest Zelda game features music recorded from an actual orchestra. How many people of colour do you think there are in a typical orchestra? The conductors are invariably old white men, it never fails! Haven’t we had enough of this tired old white man music? Why can’t Nintendo adopt vibrant African or Rastafarian music? Maybe some Bob Marley?
What about giant sea sparrows?
“In an article on Saturday headlined ‘Flying saucers over British Scientology HQ’, we stated ‘two flat silver discs’ were seen ‘above the Church of Scientology HQ’. Following a letter from lawyers for the Church, we apologise to any alien lifeforms for linking them to Scientologists.”
I’d suggest harvesting organs from legislators, but that brain-death issue would still be a factor.