Memo to the blogosphere

If you write quotably, please proofread your prose before you click “publish.” Case in point, from John C. Wright:

Thirty years ago, I was in the newspaper business, and I saw then that the news was utterly corrupt and utterly dishonest, and was willing to loose money rather than cover stories that told the truth and gave both sides of any debate. It was like living in the Matrix. The news was fake, and I knew it, and could prove it, and could recite chapter and verse of the lies, propaganda and distortion — and no one believed me, no one cared, no one could be bothered to listen.

If I were to quote that for its content, I would either insert a “(sic)” after “loose,” or put “lose” in its place in brackets, indicating a substitution. Either course is ugly and clunky and weakens the impact of the statement.

Empty playground

Like pretty much everything else in Kansas, playgrounds1 in Wichita are off-limits. Nobody was watching me yesterday morning, so I grabbed a few panoramas. These look best in full-screen mode.

The spaceship off to the west was part of a slide that was later closed up and partially dismantled because of liability issues.

Lenin’s birthday miscellany

Robbo:

I see today that Our Betters are starting to beat the drum that we should be treating glowbull enwarmening and coronapalooza at the same time and in the same way.

By a staggering coincidence, I already happen to be doing just that thing.

Maybe not the way they’d like….

*****

The Z Man:

If you’re willing to send cops after people walking on the beach, just to make a point about who decides who can go outside, you’re probably going to have no qualms about ending the voting charade.

*****

What we definitely know:

Here are the official Coronavirus guidelines:
1. Basically, you can’t leave the house for any reason, but if you have to, then you can.
2. Masks are useless, but maybe you have to wear one, it can save you, it is useless, but maybe it is mandatory as well.
3. Stores are closed, except those that are open.
4. You should not go to hospitals unless you have to go there. Same applies to doctors, you should only go there in case of emergency, provided you are not too sick.
5. This virus is deadly but still not too scary, except that sometimes it actually leads to a global disaster.
6. Gloves won’t help, but they can still help.
7. Everyone needs to stay HOME, but it’s important to GO OUT.
8. There is no shortage of groceries in the supermarket, but there are many things missing when you go there in the evening, but not in the morning. Sometimes.
9. The virus has no effect on children except those it affects….

*****

Via Glenn Reynolds:

Just think how many lives have been saved by two things leftists hate most: suburbs and the car culture. And just think how many lives have been lost by things the left love most: mass transit and high-density urban living.

*****

Meanwhile, in New York it is now mandatory to break the law.

(Via Pixy.)

See also George Carlin on the state of the planet.

*****

Update: possibly relevant:

Joan alone

I rode downtown around noon today. While it wasn’t quite the ghost town that it was on my last trip in, I still pretty much had the place to myself, as you can see by the dense crowds on Main Street, above. The statue in front of the library is of Joan of Arc — Wichita is a “sister city” of old Orleans.

View this in greater detail as an interactive panorama here.

Continue reading “Joan alone”

Early yellow

The plants I started under the lights last month are more than ready to go outside. Unfortunately, the weather keeps cycling back to March, and there danger of frost yet again through Friday. Some plants, like the Dahlberg daisy (Thymophylla tenuiloba), are already in flower in my kitchen. The color is nice, but they really should be in the ground now. The flower above is not quite an inch across. As always, click on the pictures to see them larger and with proper color.

Peculiar visions

I had a brief, odd dream this morning. I was reading the Sunday comics. On the last page, where Pearls Before Swine usually goes in the Wichita paper, there were two wide panels depicting groups of unsvelte middle-aged women in classical garb, like troupes of Margaret Dumonts costumed as Roman matrons. Some were sitting, some were standing. All were holding holding Union Jacks, and all had beards. These two panels were in black and white, like illustrations from an old book.

Underneath, in place of Sherman’s Lagoon, was a single panel depicting a variety of mostly unfamiliar superheroes. The only one I recognized was Marvel’s Thor. All of them held some version of the Stars and Stripes. This panel was in glossy color, like the cover of an old comic book.

Then I woke up. Make of it what you will.

Unrelated update:

Where we are now, Mr. Despair was thirteen years ago.

Would it be prudent not to inquire whom else brassieres are for?

Today’s quote

Clarissa:

Every time I mention to my husband the possibility that the quarantine might be lifted at some point in the future, I end up feeling like I just did something extremely cruel.

He has developed such a sunny outlook on life and is finally truly enjoying life. . . And here I am, reminding him this is not forever.

Nothing’s happening at the zoo…

… ’cause it’s closed.

We had a couple days of fine May weather this week, and I took advantage of them. Wednesday I rode my bike out northwest to the zoo. The zoo itself was closed, of course, but that didn’t matter; I was more interested to see what signs of spring were evident in the area. There was less color than I had hoped. If you like shades of brown, the unmown field east of the zoo offers a nice study in textures, but if you want wildflowers, it’s still too soon. There were a few crab apples and a lilac in the park to the west, plus a Prunus, possibly a sandhill plum (P. angustifolia), in bloom, but otherwise there was nothing much beyond dandelions and henbit.

I stayed mostly on bike paths and park roads. I was once overtaken by a cyclist wearing headphones. Most other people on bicycles and every single jogger I encountered had small white plastic objects stuck in their ears, occasionally with wires attached. This perplexes me. I don’t run, but I do ride a bicycle everywhere, and I rely on my hearing to alert me to dangers approaching from behind. I need to hear what’s happening around me. Consequently, I have never used headphones or ear buds outdoors and never will. Why so many people want to shut themselves off from a major part of the world makes no sense to me.

I don’t get the obsession with having music in one’s ears every waking hour. When I listen to music, I listen to music. It’s not a background activity.3 When I’m not actively listening, I want silence.

Blue, white, orange

The botanical garden remains closed, to my intense irritation. However, there is color elsewhere. Redbuds are at their peak, and flowering crabs are getting started. Most people have not yet begun mowing their lawns, giving the weeds a chance to shine. Henbit is past its prime, but violets are putting on an impressive show.

And there are a few things of my own.

A different sort of paper chase

Theodore Dalrymple:

Considering how large a part it has played in my life, I have given very little thought to toilet paper, its production, and its transcendent importance. However, I once visited the main prison in the former Soviet Republic of Georgia where, as perhaps you might expect, it was in short supply. The prisoners, however, had at least a temporary solution to the problem: the Complete Works of Lenin.

Which reminds me of a passage in Russian dancer Valery Panov’s autobiography concerning the vital role of the press in the Soviet Union. During his student days, circa 1950, pages of Pravda or Isvestia was torn into eight strips and the strips crumpled until they were soft enough to use as the Soviet prisoners used Lenin.

Unfortunately, American plumbing is too delicate and narrow to accommodate any but the flimsiest forms of wood pulp, so it would be impractical to use the print edition of The Wichita Eagle for the purpose to which it is best suited.

So…

… what happened yesterday?

Where were all the April 1 posts? I had planned to update my list of relevant posts elsewhere as I found them throughout the day, but I only came across three more4, not enough to make the effort worthwhile5. Why weren’t there more? Are writers too intimidated by America’s Newspaper of Record to invent their own news? Have we passed the Neuman Singularity6, when the world becomes absurd faster than it can be satirized? Is humor just not funny anymore?

New speed limits on federal highways

The Federal Highway Administration today announced that the speed limit for all vehicles on interstate highways will be reduced to 1.33 miles per hour, effective immediately. States that accept federal funds will be required to similarly lower speed limits on state roads.

“High-speed collisions kill thousands of drivers and passengers every year,” stated a department spokesman. “It would be unconscionable to let the carnage continue.”

The department had considered lowering the speed limit even further.

“We initially planned to set a maximum speed of .25 miles per hour, but a staffer from Georgia pointed out that a vehicle moving at that pace could be overtaken by a vigorous shoot of kudzu and become hopelessly entangled,” he noted.

He acknowledged that some drivers might find the speed inconveniently slow, but he noted that the lower the speed, the more survivable a crash is.

“If it saves just one life, it will have been worth it,” he said emphatically.

“If you’re really in a hurry, you can always walk.”

FIDE to introduce new tie-breaking system

The international chess organization FIDE will introduce a system of “knightly combat” for determining winners of tournaments in the case of ties this fall.

“Most chess games end in draws at the highest levels of play,” noted FIDE official Roy Lopez. “The classical portion of the Caruana-Carlsen match two years ago ended with twelve consecutive drawn games. Each game might have been fascinating to chess experts, but ultimately it was disappointing. And boring.

“That’s not the way to grow an audience. We need to spice up the game somehow.”

Hitherto, rankings in case of ties were determined by either games of rapid chess or by a complicated system of points. Beginning with the world championship match in November, ties will be settled by armed combat.

“If the classical games are inconclusive, the players will adjourn to an arena, where they will don armor and face each other in combat with sword and shield,” Lopez explained. “If that doesn’t get us an audience, nothing will. People will want the chess games to end in draws.”

Current world champion Magnus Carlsen, a descendent of Vikings, smiled but offered no comment when asked for his opinion on the new tie-breaking system. Maxime Vachier-Lagrave, current co-leader in the World Championship Candidates Tournament, wiped his glasses and said that he was visiting armorers and interviewing swordsmanship instructors. Fabiano Caruana, Carlsen’s opponent in the previous championship match, declared that he has been bulking up and pursuing strength training to augment his calculating abilities.

“We’re looking forward to some thrilling melées,” Lopez said.

The Border Collie Initiative

Man’s best friend may be the politician’s best hope.

Every politician currently holding office is in grave danger of damnation, according to studies published by the American Association of Forensic Theologians and Exorcists International.

“A candidate who wins his first election may begin his term in a state of grace,” explained Theophilus Rye, Professor of Applied Metaphysics at the University of Flatland-Kechi. “However, political power coarsens the soul. It’s inherently corrupting, and being in the vicinity of very large quantities of money exacerbates the damage.”

Inevitably, by the end of his first term, the new politician’s only priority will be re-election, Rye stated. Serving his constituents no longer matters except as it helps him retain his seat or gain higher office. Compromises become increasingly easy.

“The longer he remains in office, the more addicted he becomes to the exercise of power and the accumulation of wealth,” he continued. “Seniority intensifies the effects. He becomes a lost soul, living only for power, helpless to save himself.

“The only hope is to remove him from office, the sooner the better,” Rye said firmly.

While impeachment is useful in emergencies, the most practical approach is to turn politicians out of office at election time. Therefore, AAFT and EI urge that every single incumbent be defeated in November.

“Returning them to civilian life will give them an opportunity to reflect on their actions, do penance and reform their lives,” Rye said.

Rye noted that simply defeating one set of politicians is not enough. If they are merely replaced by another group of office-seekers, the cycle will begin anew. A more radical approach is necessary.

“The AAFT has been working with breeders and dog trainers in every state to produce dogs capable of holding public office,” Rye stated. “These creatures — mostly highly intelligent border collies — are loyal, disciplined and incorruptible, capable of managing herds of sheep and low-information voters. The temptations of power will mean nothing to them.

“We expect to have a full slate of canine candidates for all national and state races in November.”

After the election, AAFT, EI and affiliated organizations will consider the spiritual well-being of the members of the federal bureaucracy.

“It’s a daunting prospect,” Rye noted. “We’ll need an army of exorcists at the very least.”