(Via Jane.)
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Here’s what was wrong with Moyashimon Returns: it didn’t stink. There was no kiviak, no hongeohoe, no surströmming, nothing pungent at all, not even cheese, just bland grape juice.
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I’m off to Winfield. See you all next week.
Category: Humor and horror
Miscellany
What’s so funny?
“Research” has determined the ten funniest movies of all time. Meh. There are a few minor omissions, such as anything from the Marx Brothers, Laurel & Hardy, Ealing Studios, Mel Brooks or Woody Allen, or movies such as Local Hero or The Wrong Box. Most films on the list I have no desire whatsoever to see.
I’m not that much of a moviegoer, so I can’t authoritatively list the true ten funniest movies ever made. Instead, I present some of my favorite comic movie scenes, only one of which is from a listed movie.
Public service announcement
If you simply must follow the Republican convention in Tampa, Dave Barry’s observations can be found here.
The picture is unrelated.
Pigs can fly
Here’s some nonsense to amuse you while I’m busy not writing.
Missing link discovered: Magical girls perform functions in Japanese society similar to those of superheroes in America. I’ve wondered whether if this is an example of parallel evolution or if there is a common ancestor. A recent discovery suggests that the latter may be the case. The protagonist of Ai to Yuuki no Pig Girl Tonde Buurin is essentially a superhero. However, she has a henshin sequence that is unmistakably that of a mahou shoujo. (The show is on the border between silly and dumb, and I don’t recommend it except as a curiosity.)
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Um, no comment.
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European history, according to freshman papers:
The Reformnation happened when German nobles resented the idea that tithes were going to Papal France or the Pope thus enriching Catholic coiffures. Traditions had become oppressive so they too were crushed in the wake of man’s quest for ressurection above thenot-just-social beast he had become. An angry Martin Luther nailed 95 theocrats to a church door. Theologically, Luthar was into reorientation mutation. Calvinism was the most convenient religion since the days of the ancients. Anabaptist services tended to be migratory. The Popes, of course, were usually Catholic. Monks went right on seeing themselves as worms. The last Jesuit priest died in the 19th century.
I spent ninth grade at a Jesuit high school. Either I’m older than I had realized, or I was educated by zombies.
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Let’s intellect: Is this a parody, or for real?
A community where all angst struggling writers and poets can intellect. We are not only spiritual and constructive in our writing. We are serious, hardworking writers. We have given perspiration to inspiration; We have strived in our thrivations. We have lived to build our living characters, penciled through every constructive detail in our realms filled in sorrow, death, birth, hardship, and pain. Our imaginations entwined to unfurl past a world of hope, a universe of dreams, fairies, trolls, gas- breathing dragons or three-warped witches, tales of Heros, and stories of legend all capsized into an outlined story draft. Words strumming onto a page of pure magic; and it is magic. Our work is engraved in our names, stitched into our bloods, ravenous through our ink-coursed veins that defines the artistic process. Join us and forever hold your peace in The Ambitious Writers, The Children Writers, The Erotics, The Romances, The Horrors, The Fictitious, The Poets, The Westerns, The Adventures, The Mystery, THE STRUGGLING WRITERS
Oh, yeah: Rule #1 is “No negative critiquing.”
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Would you buy it for a quarter?
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Piano mysteries and more
Here’s about two week’s worth of accumulated trivia.
I lost patience with radio years ago. The only time I listen nowadays is during storm warnings. Consequently, I never knew the Piano Puzzler existed until Angela at Mommy Bytes recently mentioned its tenth anniversary. Each week, pianist Bruce Adolphe arranges a “familiar” tune in the style of another composer, and the contestant’s task is to identify both the composer and the melody. I can usually identify the composer right off, but naming the tune is often difficult. What makes the segments memorable is Adolphe’s fantastic ingenuity in devising his arrangments, which must be heard to be believed. He does things like combine Schubert with Gershwin, Gershwin with Copland, The Fantasticks with Berg, spirituals with Handel, “Old MacDonald Had a Farm” with Brahms, etc., and makes each combination, no matter how unlikely, work. You can stream the programs or download them here. My favorite so far is the April 6, 2011 program.
Sailor Pirates
This was sent to me by a malefactor whom I won’t identify (his name sounds something like “sick puppet”).
Who would the outer senshi be? Haruka and Michiru are a little too obvious, but whom would you pick for Hotaru and Setsuna? Also, is there any guy as dorky as Mamoru, or any girl as annoying as ChibiUsa?
Update for those who have not endured watched Sailor Moon: the pirates and their sailor senshi counterparts have very little in common. Gruier’s hair deliberately imitates Usagi’s, but she is nothing like the stereotypical blonde that Sailor Moon is. Chiaki and Rei are probably the best match: both are black-haired and short-tempered and sometimes wear miko outfits. In each pair, the pirate is the more interesting character.
Still, Sailor Moon is the gold standard for mahou shoujo costumes. I’m always pleased to see pretty girls so attired, even though this is otherwise a crossover that shouldn’t happen.
The mass of mewling fluff
Someday, perhaps soon, I’ll post again. Until then, here’s The Trouble with Tribbles, Edward Gorey-style.
(Via Fillyjonk.)
Derivative art
A little something for math and physics majors, via Fillyjonk.
Here’s Igudesman & Joo & Kremer’s take on the same tune:
Dear Howie
Odds and ends:
I didn’t get very far into Haiyore! Nyaruko-san the first time I sampled it. Sticking a fork into a little girl is not amusing, even if the girl is actually Nyarlathotep. However, both Steven and Ken the Brickmuppet found the first two episodes not entirely worthless. So I gritted my teeth, put my feet firmly on the floor, gripped the armrests of my chair, and grimly stuck it out through the rest of the first episode. Well, it is an improvement over the wretched flash shorts of two years ago, and the forking is not quite as offensive. ((Kirika Yumera remains the only person in anime licensed to use the fork as an offensive weapon.)) Still, I found it more irritating than funny, and I doubt that I’ll watch more.
By the way, Howard Phillips Lovecraft for a brief period was a Miss Lonelyhearts, answering questions such as this:
I am Xah’gnui, who has long delved into the annals of subterranean lore, conducting forbidden researches into the unknown, with a view to resurrecting aeon-silent interplanetary necromancer-lizards. Why is it so hard for me to get a date?
(Via Lynn.)
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I see there is an “aniblog” tournament underway. The candidates were drawn primarily from AnimeNano, if I’m interpreting the rules correctly. Unfortunately, this leaves out some of the most interesting weblogs that deal with anime. For instance:
All of these are worth a visit.
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Allegedly, the more subtle your mind, the more difficult you’ll find this puzzle. I got it in about 30 seconds.
(Via AoSHQ.)
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Mahou shoujo anime is pornographic. So is anime set in high schools. In fact, probably every anime produced this century is pure pornography.
(Via Dustbury.)
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Quote of the week, sobering thought division:
The greatest legacy of the internet may wind up being Cute Overload.
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Quote of the week, anime division:
If I had a daughter, I’d want her to watch this.
(The Brickmuppet on Mouretsu Pirates.)
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Memo to Trek Bicycle Corporation: I see that your factory is in Waterloo, Wisconsin. There is a good chance that you can find literate native speakers of English there. Please hire one, and have him write directions for mounting your luggage rack on a bicycle, so customers don’t have to puzzle over the cryptic diagrams that come with the rack. By the way, it would be thoughful to note on the outside of the packaging that installing the rack requires a hacksaw and file, where customers can see it before buying the rack.
While at the bike shop earlier this week, I discovered that Trek bicycles include a line called “Neko.” Surprisingly, there is no suggestion of anything feline on the bike or on the Trek website. The Neko does feature “Women’s disc brakes.”
Make your reservations now
The organizers of many smaller anime conventions, such as Anime Fest Wichita, are often slow to update their websites. This is inconvenient for those who prefer to plan ahead, so I’ve compiled information for a typical regional convention. This is by no means complete, but it should give potential attendees an idea of what to expect.
Classes, workshops and panels
Anime Taxonomy
The traditional division of anime and manga into the categories of shounen, shoujo, seinen and josei is of little use to the serious student of anime. We’ll develop an alternate classification scheme using as parameters magnitude of breasts, intensity of angst, quantity of blood, diameter of eyes, presence of kemenomimi, frequency of panchira, and potential violations of child pornography laws.
The State of Anime I
A discussion of the problems facing anime in the West and its chances of survival. The presenters place the blame squarely where it belongs: the insane Japanese system for financing anime, and the greed and paranoia of the license-holders.
Anime and the Significant Other
How to introduce that special person in your life to your obsession; tips on which titles to watch together first, what plushies are suitable gifts, how to suggest cosplay, and when to bring up Evangelion.
Exceedingly miscellaneous
In the 1970s, Jack Thompson bought a tract of land in the Royal Gardens subdivision on the island of Hawaii and began building a cedar home there. He finished it in 1983. As he installed the second-story windows, he noticed a orange glow on the panes. The light came from the lava fountains that heralded the eruption of Kilauea, which continues to this day. Over the years, lava flows took out all his neighbors’ homes, one by one, until only Thompson’s was left. This month, a vigorous flow found his house, leaving little beyond a satellite dish embedded in six feet of basalt.
Yoctometers, yottameters and ponies
Two weeks’ worth of random stuff.
Of all the mysteries in Mouretsu Pirates, the most puzzling, and the least likely to be satisfactorily explained, are the Sailor Moon shout-outs. This Princess Serenity is anything but a ditzy airhead.
By the way, it is impossible to watch just one episode of Shingu.
Sunday morning miscellany
Suppose the translators responsible for The New American Bible took on Shakespeare:
Existence or its opposite? That’s what I am asking myself.
Whether it be more or less dignified to put up with
The barbs and darts of brash Luck, or to use weapons
Against distress’s oceans, to stop them from happening.
More Shakespeare, sorta: What is the connection between Interstella 5555 and the House of Percy?
There supposedly is a genre of iyashikei, or “healing,” anime, such as Aria or Ikoku Meiro no Croisee. I find most such productions irritatingly bland, rather than soothing or refreshing. ((The only example of the genre I find rewatchable is Someday’s Dreamers, which has a serious story underlying all the niceness.)) If you seek therapeutic anime, the works of Tatsuo Sato are much more effective:
A rewatch of Nadesico helped me get through the first few days of living with a broken arm, and Shingu was good for a flu and high fever.
Update: I just watched the second episode of Mouretsu Pirates. It looks like it’s going to be at least as good as Nadesico. Whether it approaches the level of Shingu remains to be seen.
“You don’t have to rely on a healthy body image or self-respect any more”:
Fotoshop by Adobé from Jesse Rosten on Vimeo.
Hmm. I have Adobé, but I’m as ugly as ever.
You’d think it’s obvious that creativity requires solitude, but evidentally the fact periodically needs to be restated.
Nyamulagira continues to challenge Etna for the title of The Greatest Show on Earth:
Cooking with gas is passé. Let’s cook with lava. ((Hey, Erik.)) Here’s a recipe for pahoehoe game hen. Prefer a steak?
I don’t know if you can “cook a tasty chicken on lava”, but I know you can cook a steak of meat on an Hawaiian lava flow! I did it! You just lay a sheet of aluminium on the lava; you spread some some oil on the steak, possibly with some herbs. Then, you put the steak on the aluminium sheet and let it broil a few tens of seconds on each side. I can assure you it is delicious, all the more with a glass of Californian wine! I’m French; I know what good cooking means!!
See this for the Icelandic version.
20% more electable
Any of the contenders for the Republican presidential nomination would be preferable to the current resident of the White House. So would a golden retriever, most potted plants, or any warm glass of milk. The problem is picking one who can defeat Barry Oh! in November 2012. Our choices include unprepared amateurs, inarticulate debaters, damaged goods and Mitt Romney. Can any of them compete with recycled visions of unicorns and rainbows? I doubt it.
Instead, let’s fight the phantoms with the real things:
But Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash aren’t American-born U.S. citizens, you object. Equestria is part of the Hasbro empire, headquartered in Rhode Island, USA; sure they’re Americans. But they’re too young, you say. With a slick lawyer and some expert testimony on “pony years,” that won’t be a problem. But there’s no puppy— So what? Twilight has a dragon assistant, and dragons are much cooler, and hotter, than puppies.
(I’m tempted to nominate Pinkie Pie for VP for the sake of the PP/Biden debates, but RD probably is the better candidate.)
Who is the unluckiest person in the galaxy?
Seina Yamada, of Tenchi Muyo GXP, or Ken the Brickmuppet? Consider this, this, this and this, and there’s plenty more in the archives.
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So there is a rumor that Bob Dylan might get the Nobel Prize for Literature. Well, okay. The Peace Prize is absolutely meaningless nowadays, so why not make the literary prize a joke as well? ((I am aware that some intelligent people think Dylan is a Great Artist, but in my arrogant opinion, he has but a modest talent for doggerel and none whatsoever for music.))
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High heels obviously make no sense for superheroines. ((Sailor Mars’ greatest superpower is the ability to sprint in stilettos.)) Neither does exposed cleavage.
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